Mindless Love: How Is This Possible?

I agreed to write a Joo Squared fanfic as a joke. It's going to be amazing.

==I Am Joo Dee, How May I Help You?==

A bald man, standing about 5'2", observed the line of women in front of him, smiles so wide he could inspect each individual tooth. What brand of whitener did they use? What did they have to be so happy about? They were seeking unemployment! He drummed his fingers on the counter, dreading the answer he was about to receive.

Taking a deep breath, he forced out his question in as even and calm a tone as he could possibly manage. "What is your name, Ma'am?"

The woman in front of him somehow smiled even WIDER. Then...she said IT. "I am Joo Dee."

The man could no longer hold in his fury. He trembled, then slammed his hands down on the counter.

"Yeah, right, you and the last TWENTY-TWO STINKIN' WOMEN to come through here! What kind of sick prank IS THIS?! That's it, if your name is 'Joo Dee,' get out! NOW!"

The entire line immediately broke apart, gabbing like a swarm of Turtle Ducks. Their unholy smiles never faltered. The man slammed down the booth's wooden shutters, the characters for "Out to lunch" carved into them.

==Joo Dee's First Date==

Most of the Joo Dees were immediately lost in the crowd, despite their distinctive robes and winning smiles. However, a Joo Dee with long, luxurious dark hair spotted one of her coworkers, a girl about her height, same hair color, but in a bob. Something about her compelled Joo Dee to go over to her as she sat on the edge of the fountain, smiling and waving at the passing crowd.

"Hello!" she said happily, "Welcome to Ba Sing Se!"

She repeated herself once she caught sight of Joo Dee. Joo Dee put on her best smile and said, "Hello. I am Joo Dee."

"I am Joo Dee!" she answered, placing her hand on her chest. "Welcome to Ba Sing Se!"

The long-haired Joo Dee, who for sanity's sake shall henceforth be known as Joo Dee A, responded by repeating that exact phrase.

This continued for several minutes. Raava only knows what broke this cycle of madness, but eventually, Joo Dee B stood up. Smiling broadly at Joo Dee A, she said, "You will need guidance! Please, allow me to show you around Ba Sing Se!"

"Allow ME to show you around Ba Sing Se!" was Joo Dee A's answer. Joo Dee B offered her hand, which Joo Dee A quickly clasped. It felt...warm, but her own hand felt sticky, and cold. She felt...something in her chest. She'd never felt this way before--well, she'd always felt happy, but this was something DIFFERENT, somehow. She felt butterflies in her stomach, but she was pretty sure she hadn't been eating butterflies. That would probably ruin her teeth, and that would just never do.

Joo Dee B began to lead her away.

==Night of the Joo Dees==

"Please, tell me about yourself," Joo Dee A said, gazing unblinkingly into Joo Dee B's eyes across a candlelight dinner, in a cozy little dive that rumor has it was just catching local birds and marketing them as roast pheasant-chicken. The staff had long since retired to the kitchen. The way these girls stared at them and asked if they wanted to be shown around the city every few minutes would have driven them mad otherwise.

It was made easier by the fact that the girls had long since scared away the rest of the customers. The staff knew they should say something, but everyone would rather have been fired then walk in on whatever Twilight Zone crap was going on tonight.

Joo Dee B stared right back and promptly answered, "I am Joo Dee, I am your guide to Ba Sing Se."

Of course, Joo Dee A repeated that, but at least she finally said something new. "Where are you from? Do you have any family?"

"I recently came back from a vacation at Lake Laogai," Joo Dee B answered, "It's so nice, and it was so nice of the Earth King to send me there. He is so busy, you know. I've been staying with my nice uncle, Mr. Long Feng, but he was put in jail."

"Me too!" Joo Dee A exclaimed with bubbly excitement. "How can we have so much in common? We must be fated to be together!"

"I was thinking the exact same thing!" She leaned in closer. "Exact. Same. Thing."

A waitress came out with a pitcher of water and stopped dead at this sight. The Joo Dees slowly turned their heads to look at her, keeping the rest of their bodies rigid. She cried.

Fortunately, their attention could not be held away from each other for long. They resumed staring at each other with vacant, blissful expressions for the rest of the night. When they had finished dinner, they placed their money on the table and strode out hand-in-hand. Rumor has it that the waitress moved to Yu Dao.

==Crazy in Love==

"I have never met anyone like you, Joo Dee," cooed Joo Dee B as they strode through the moonlit path. "You are so friendly and forward."

"And you are so warm and polite, Joo Dee," noted Joo Dee A.

"Where is your home?" asked Joo Dee B.

"Oh, I don't have one anymore," answered Joo Dee A, "My apartment was damaged in the war."

"You should come stay with me, Joo Dee!" Joo Dee B suggested delightedly.

"That would be nice, Joo Dee," answered Joo Dee A.

Joo Dee B walked her new guest up the stairs to a quaint little apartment in the middle ring. It was only a single story, 20 by 30 feet, painted a lovely emerald green color, with a steeped, gold-painted roof. "I am sorry it is so small," she said, turning to face Joo Dee A.

"That only means less space to separate us," Joo Dee A noted as she began to lean in.

Joo Dee A tentatively began to raise her arms. When Joo Dee A responded in kind, Joo Dee B wrapped her arms around Joo Dee A's shoulders as Joo Dee A hugged Joo Dee B at her waist. They swayed gently back and forth, as if pushed by the cool night breeze. Joo Dee B tilted her head and closed her eyes...Joo Dee A leaned in...when their lips locked, Joo Dee B slid her hands up to brush through Joo Dee A's hair as Joo Dee A rubbed her back.

After a few moments, they reluctantly separated. Joo Dee B wrenched open the doorway, but before they could step across the threshold, they heard a man gruffly clearing his throat.

They turned at the sight of a pair of men standing outside of an ostrich-drawn carriage, a brown and a black haired man, each dressed in white robes, each holding odd little white jackets. The arms of these jackets sported several straps.

"I'd hate to break this up, Ladies, but the Earth Kingdom needs you to come with us to Lake Laogai."

"I am honored to receive the Earth King's invitation," the pair repeated in unison. The men started up the stairs, but stepped back in surprise as Joo Dee A shook her head. "Wait, are you trying to separate me and Joo Dee?"

"Of course not," he answered, "But the Dai Li have made you both very sick. The Earth King has decided that you need help."

And so Joo Dee A turned to allow him to slide her hands into the jacket's sleeves, strapping them in the front as had already happened with Joo Dee B. The brown-haired man had a bit of difficulty affixing the last strap as Joo Dee B squirmed and fidgeted, but the difficulty ceased as she became close enough to Joo Dee A to rest her head on her shoulder. Joo Dee B kissed her on the forehead.

They knew that they would be together forever, or their names were not Joo Dee.