Descent Into Madness

"You fool, I AM the Count, I don't count!" Felch threw his arms in the air. "Well, I CAN count! Are you fucking with me?!"

When Kiken got outside of the tavern and heard something about "the darkest corners of the Earth, and razing villages in my wake!" which sounded highly interessting.
- Excuse me sir, what was that about razing villages?

Kiken wouldn't mind razing a village. Especially if someone protected you from repercussions.

Marie:<Of course, can't you tell we're a bunch of evil bastards? But really, you might want to rethink that title.>

"First of all, I don't need your help to burn some poor people. In fact, I bet I could burn more poor people than you! Let's start with this godforsaken, backwater shithole!"

*He takes off his Hello Kitty bag & turns it upside down.*

"Huge container of gasoline!"

*So he starts dousing the bar in gasoline & occasional chunks of plastic.*

*Marie goes ahead and sets the gas on fire*

"Your rabbit is helping you, that's cheating," Felch put his hands firmly on his hips and backed a little further away. Paris and Big Paulie ran outside.

*Marie turns around*

<Hey now, I'm a free agent of chaos! I just like setting shit on fire.>

As the flames went higher Kiken concluded this douchbag was ignoring the question. Therefore Kiken brought out the wip, stomped the man in the back of the knees while loudly saying "Bend over, cunt!".

<Your contest is a fool's errand, for there are no mightier fire elementals than I!>

*From the alley, they are approached by an armored man in a tacky red cape, wearing a hat that appears to be a giant candle.*

"Who in blazes are you supposed to be?"

<Blazes indeed, for I am...THE CANDLE!>

*He creates a little flicker of flame on his finger & lights his head.*

<Quiver in fear, foolish mortals, for I command the proportional powers of the mighty candle that I was once bitten by!>

*He points at Seraph & blasts him with a shot of flame from his finger.*

"...Ow. That kinda hurt."

*Marie yawns*

<Laaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Both your name and outfit.>

"Who are you?" Felch turned on Kiken. "You want to be a lackey too?"

Kiken slung the whip over the shoulder while still holding the handle, grinned with a sadistic streak in the eyes and answered:
"If it means I get to raze villiages, rape and kill to my heart's content while getting free food and someone who keeps the authorities away, then I would consider being your lackey for a time."

The Candle<Do not taunt or ignore THE CANDLE!>

*He opens his mouth & starts spewing them with pink stuff that is hopefully not vomit.*

Marie:<Find your lackeys somewhere else, bitch!>

*Marie teleports out of the vomit's path*

<Jeez, dude, can you see that we're busy here?>

Felch drew his pistol and shot the Candle once while Paulie screamed, "What the fuck?!" and unloaded his pistol on him. Paris spewed.
"Good, what's your name, lackey number one?"

"Pfft! Why would I be your lackey? No, if I were to be working for you, then I would be your dominatrix. I would give you 'lessons' when you are good and 'punish' you when you are bad. I saw how you handled to be shot, it intrigues me enough to offer my services."
Kiken answered with eyes twinkling at the thought to be able to do all kind of sadistic things.

*Everyone except Marie finds themselves covered in a substance that rapidly dries, slightly hindering their movements. For the Candle's part, half of his face is blown off, revealing him to be made of a pink, flaky & vaguely shiny substance. He grins.*

<Did you not hear me, or were your plebian minds simply incapable of understanding? I have ALL THE POWERS OF A CANDLE!>

*From the bullet holes in his chest, his torso begins to crack & he starts leaning heavily to one side.*

<Nonononononono!>

*Using the flickering flames on his hands, he rubs his belly, melting himself back together in a swirl of cover. He is now slightly hunchbacked & has a limp.*

<Whew.>

Paulie chucked his pistol at the Candle and started shambling over there with the intent to tackle him to the ground, "You freaky motherfucker, c'mere."
"Well that's intensely creepy," Felch nodded once Kiken had finished. "Perhaps you could dominate the village people, instead."

*Marie teleports away, then returns with a bucket of water that she dumps on THE CANDLE*

Kiken hardly heard Felch's answer, because of being coverd in a weird substance. This made Kiken run amok trying to beat the crap out of The Candle with the whip.
- Lick my boots clean, you twat!

*Seraph is trying to break the wax around his calves by hitting it with his stick.*

Candle<So you found my weakness. Big deal! I still have power over wax!>

*He raises his arms--ignoring that his right has fallen off due to being struck by a gun & a whip, exposing a wire frame in the shape of a hand--& wax seeps out of his feet, growing into a phalanx of wax golems armed with thick, spiky armor, & weapons ranging from crossbows to large maces. Some try to shoot crossbows, but their "strings" snap & their arms fall off. They are knocked over when the charging golems break right off of their legs. The entire army crumbles to pieces in a few seconds, after hitting the ground.*

Candle<Aw, c'mon....>

*Paulie finally manages to break his feet free & lurches forwards, knocking The Candle's upper body clean off. It shatters when it hits the ground, revealing more wire in the vague shape of a torso & face. The Candle's lower body kicks Paulie in the shin as the wax liquefies & retreats back towards him. Seraph just leaves.*

When The Candle falls to the ground, Kiken proceeds to ragingly stomp all over The Candle's bared wires while cursing without repeating a single word once.

*Marie follows after Seraph*

<You're cool. I'm following you.>

Paulie swore again and grabbed the lower half of the Candle's body, hoisting it up in the air and smacking it back down into the ground again while screaming obscenities. Felch freed himself of the wax with his sword before buying Paris's life in exchange for freeing her as well.

*As I have no idea what Kiken is doing, but Paulie has turned the wire frame into a twisted heap, The Candle's wax seeps into the earth. Seraph just grumbles & then the ground caves in, dropping them all in a dank hall lit faintly by the burning debris of the tavern & a couple of smashed candles. Seraph lies with his back bent awkwardly sideways.*

"Stupid foundation. Stupid osteoporosis. Stupid railroad plot."